Because American Eagle sells clothes built for a guy just like me1, I was at the mall yesterday during my lunch break. On my way out, I walked past Gymboree2. And I remembered that Aimee had been telling me the other day that The Bean needed some new pajamas3. About twenty steps past Gymboree, I realized that I might be able to find some pajamas there. Maybe4. So I turned around and went inside. And yes, they do have pajamas. They've got pajama sets, one-piece pajamas with zippers or buttons, and even one-piece pajamas with built-in feet covers5. The helpful young woman6 behind the register offered to help me find the size I was looking for. And a cold, painful truth stabbed me in the brain. I had no idea what size I should buy. Yes, I know that baby clothes are sized according to age, but Ethne's small for her twenty-one months7. So when I tried to determine her size by holding a pair of pajamas like a puppet next to my legs, the saleswoman lady girl person laughed at me 8. So I just bought a range of sizes and walked out. The PJs were on sale, but the assurance that I'm a bad father was free.
1 Just like me, except attractive.
2 For those of you who don’t know because you don’t have your own personal pet human, Gymboree is a store for kids. Clothes and stuff.
3 The thing about babies is that they grow pretty much nonstop. One day they fit in your hand and the next they’re accidentally kicking you in the face on their way out the door for high school. Literally and figuratively.
4 Yes, my brain really does work that slowly sometimes. Alright. Most of the times.
5 Sadly, no. They don't have any one-piece pajamas with butt flaps.
6 She looked so young that I thought for a moment that she might work there just for the employee discount.
7 People often confuse her for a fetus.
8 Not like a little scoff. Not even a quiet little giggle. A serious laugh.
1 Just like me, except attractive.
2 For those of you who don’t know because you don’t have your own personal pet human, Gymboree is a store for kids. Clothes and stuff.
3 The thing about babies is that they grow pretty much nonstop. One day they fit in your hand and the next they’re accidentally kicking you in the face on their way out the door for high school. Literally and figuratively.
4 Yes, my brain really does work that slowly sometimes. Alright. Most of the times.
5 Sadly, no. They don't have any one-piece pajamas with butt flaps.
6 She looked so young that I thought for a moment that she might work there just for the employee discount.
7 People often confuse her for a fetus.
8 Not like a little scoff. Not even a quiet little giggle. A serious laugh.
two "2" no "3"
6 is the best.
I believe you mean 2s. Plural.
"Personal pet human." Heh heh. Number 3 is pretty darn funny. Any dad who walks unbidden and unplanned into a kids' clothes store can't be all that bad.
You are the undisputed endnote master.
just wait until she gets so tired that she passes out. then put her in bed. she'll never know she doesn't have pajamas.