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Dear Voters,

Thanks for nothing, jerks. All we wanted to do was serve. Help the country run. A chicken on every table or whatever. And all you had to do in most states was touch our names. But no, you went with the other guy.
Now here we are. How are supposed to explain this to our supporters? "Oh, hey. Thanks for all the cash. Sorry we lost. No hard feelings, right?" Yeah, they'll be real happy about that.
And what do you suggest we do for work, huh? You think we can just walk in someplace and get an interview. You wish.
It was the negative advertising, wasn't it? You bought it. Listen, we've said it before and we'll say it again, we had nothing to do with that whole misappropriated money/drug use/racial slur//bribe/stolen state secrets/drunk driving/inappropriate joke/young intern/kitten-fur coat debacle. Promise. The opposition made the whole thing up.
Not like it matters. There's nothing we can do about it now. But just so you know, you're dead to us.

The Bipartisan Assembly of Failed Political Candidates
(Formerly The Losers)

1 Responses to “correspondence”

  1. # Anonymous bekah

    There's nothing better than a kitten-fur coat, I have to say. Kitten fur is just so soft and delicate.  

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