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be afraid

Man in critical condition after stingray attack in boat

Yes, this report is over a week old. But I have to be sure that the people know. The violence has escalated.

LIGHTHOUSE POINT, Florida (AP) -- An 81-year-old man was in critical condition Thursday after a stingray flopped onto his boat and stung him, leaving a foot-long barb in his chest in an accident similar to the one that killed "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin.

Coincidence? I think not. The revolution has begun.

"It was a freak accident," said Lighthouse Point acting fire Chief David Donzella. "It's very odd that the thing jumped out of the water and stung him. We still can't believe it."

No doubt that the element of surprise is critical in the stingrays' rise to world domination.

Fatal stingray attacks like the one that killed Irwin last month at the Great Barrier Reef are rare, marine experts say. Rays reflexively deploy a sharp spine in their tails when frightened, but the venom coating the barb usually causes just a painful sting for humans.

"Something like this is really, really extraordinarily rare," she said. "Even when they are under duress, they don't usually attack."

Look at the signs, people. We must do something to stop the stingray uprising before more lives are lost.

I did my part by dispatching over forty stingrays with a portable deli slicer while we cruised the Caribbean.

5 Responses to “be afraid”

  1. # Anonymous bekah

    Screw it. I give up. They're just too powerful, there's no reason to fight them anymore. I hereby surrender to the tyranical stingray government.  

  2. # Anonymous james

    hey, just to help out -- "...the element of surprise IN (should be is) critical in the...
    Love you buddy, Im so happy you're back posting.  

  3. # Anonymous r.fuel

    woops. thanks, buddy.  

  4. # Anonymous Chickie

    That settles it! I'm packing my stuff up and moving north.  

  5. # Anonymous james

    what i think rob is trying to say is, "you're not safe anywhere." Because, I mean, really, you aren't.  

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