Damn right.
Jim and Joe are in China right now. I thought it would be fun to see what it takes to make the Chinese government censor words. Here's attempt number one:
China is stupid.
China is stupid.
Mascots and Mascot Names That Never Made It
Six-gun Steve
The Tame Cats
The Maulin' Moles
The Screamin' Sheep
Mad Dog Melvin
The Fightin' Finches
The Dirty Hippies
The Tramplin' Trout
The Heinous Hamsters
The Clumsy Bastards
The Friendly, Well-Meaning Sons of B*tches
The Gossipy Housewives
Eduardo The Egg-Eating Simpleton
The Cheese Whores
The Arrogant Intellectuals
Six-gun Steve
The Tame Cats
The Maulin' Moles
The Screamin' Sheep
Mad Dog Melvin
The Fightin' Finches
The Dirty Hippies
The Tramplin' Trout
The Heinous Hamsters
The Clumsy Bastards
The Friendly, Well-Meaning Sons of B*tches
The Gossipy Housewives
Eduardo The Egg-Eating Simpleton
The Cheese Whores
The Arrogant Intellectuals
The Transformers we never knew.
While popular myth may have forgotten them, there was once a third faction of extraterrestrial robots that roamed the earth. Active aggressors to neither the Autobots nor the Decepticons, the Amigotrons were the shared foil of both armies.
Unlike their robotic brethren, the Amigotrons attack while in their disguised forms.
Comidobot - This robot transforms into a burrito, launching his attack from within.
Migratron - This transformer is unique in that he can shift into a number of disguises. Though he has many as yet unknown forms, he has been known to utilize the shapes of many farm and garden tools, often sneaking in under the radar and stealing jobs from other honest, hardworking robots.
Carroto - This shape shifter takes the form of a coat hanger. He is known for his uncanny ability to break into a parked car in moments. He is sometimes caught while attempting (mostly unsuccessfully) to steal the car's stereo. Occasionally, he teams up with a mystery bot (never identified) and the pair steal the car, take it over the border to Mexico, and sell it for parts.
There are many more Amigotrons, but most who are living in this country remain undocumented.
While popular myth may have forgotten them, there was once a third faction of extraterrestrial robots that roamed the earth. Active aggressors to neither the Autobots nor the Decepticons, the Amigotrons were the shared foil of both armies.
Unlike their robotic brethren, the Amigotrons attack while in their disguised forms.
Comidobot - This robot transforms into a burrito, launching his attack from within.
Migratron - This transformer is unique in that he can shift into a number of disguises. Though he has many as yet unknown forms, he has been known to utilize the shapes of many farm and garden tools, often sneaking in under the radar and stealing jobs from other honest, hardworking robots.
Carroto - This shape shifter takes the form of a coat hanger. He is known for his uncanny ability to break into a parked car in moments. He is sometimes caught while attempting (mostly unsuccessfully) to steal the car's stereo. Occasionally, he teams up with a mystery bot (never identified) and the pair steal the car, take it over the border to Mexico, and sell it for parts.
There are many more Amigotrons, but most who are living in this country remain undocumented.
Dear Time Warner Cable,
You and me - we got problems.
Number one: you suck. In the last two months, I've only had internet at home for 40 days. Maybe. I've only had cable-speed internet for 30. Maybe. Number two: I hate you. Why? Because I get to pay for all 60 days. That's a pretty sweet deal for you. Number three: I hate you a lot. In the last two days, I've spent an hour on hold. And I still haven't spoken with a single real-life human being.
If you, as a company, could be magically transformed into a single entity, I would probably spend the rest of my God-given days in prison. Your ineptitude drives me to a rage that can't be described in words. Imagine red, searing, burning, itching, oozing pain. That's how I'd start. And then things would get really fun.
You can avoid all this by (a) fixing my internet, (b) giving me intermittent internet for free, or (c) magically transforming yourself into a single entity and dying a horrible death before I find you.
All the Best,
robert
p.s. You tell the owner of the on-hold message voice who keeps interrupting her own recorded message and making me think that I've finally been connected with an operator to watch out. If I ever hear that voice on the street, an insanity plea will be a gimme.
You and me - we got problems.
Number one: you suck. In the last two months, I've only had internet at home for 40 days. Maybe. I've only had cable-speed internet for 30. Maybe. Number two: I hate you. Why? Because I get to pay for all 60 days. That's a pretty sweet deal for you. Number three: I hate you a lot. In the last two days, I've spent an hour on hold. And I still haven't spoken with a single real-life human being.
If you, as a company, could be magically transformed into a single entity, I would probably spend the rest of my God-given days in prison. Your ineptitude drives me to a rage that can't be described in words. Imagine red, searing, burning, itching, oozing pain. That's how I'd start. And then things would get really fun.
You can avoid all this by (a) fixing my internet, (b) giving me intermittent internet for free, or (c) magically transforming yourself into a single entity and dying a horrible death before I find you.
All the Best,
robert
p.s. You tell the owner of the on-hold message voice who keeps interrupting her own recorded message and making me think that I've finally been connected with an operator to watch out. If I ever hear that voice on the street, an insanity plea will be a gimme.
Coming across a giant dragonfly whilst riding a scooter at 60 mph feels a lot like getting punched in the face. Except without any warning. And with more of a gooey residue.
Wiping the mess from your face afterwards is a lot of fun, though.
Wiping the mess from your face afterwards is a lot of fun, though.
[This is a post that I intended to write. It relied heavily on personal experience and my own brand of quirkiness. It was contextual, but innovative. It was classic, but not tired. And it was very funny. If you want, you could imagine it. And laugh.
And yes, Dad, I have heard that expression. But what do good intentions and the road to hell have to do with me?]
And yes, Dad, I have heard that expression. But what do good intentions and the road to hell have to do with me?]
I realized the other day that I need some work on my fathering technique.
Last night, the guys and I were lighting fireworks and tossing them into the pool. It was fun. And probably the best possible place for a two-year-old. So I brought her over to join us.
At least it was educational. Ethne learned a valuable lesson in fire-ology and explosion studies. I also like to think that she learned a proper disregard for eye protection.
Nothing like celebrating the country's independence like recklessly endangering your children. Right?
Last night, the guys and I were lighting fireworks and tossing them into the pool. It was fun. And probably the best possible place for a two-year-old. So I brought her over to join us.
At least it was educational. Ethne learned a valuable lesson in fire-ology and explosion studies. I also like to think that she learned a proper disregard for eye protection.
Nothing like celebrating the country's independence like recklessly endangering your children. Right?
