Thoughts I Had at the Doctor's Office This Morning
1. All these magazines suck. Entertainment Weekly? Slit my wrists already.
2. Damnit, Kate. He's all wrong for you.
3. I wonder what the doctor does while I'm out here waiting. Maybe he has a train set.
4. I think I'm the only person in here who wasn't alive during World War I.
5. I wonder if I'm the only one who's weirded out by urine in a cup.
6. Yes. Blood pressure testing. I do love that dizzy feeling.
7. It sure is cold in here without my pants.
8. I wonder how many of these tongue depressors I can lick before I get a splinter in my tongue.
9. Maybe I should have counted. Call it thirty.
10. [cough] Why do you always have to turn your head? So the doctor can't look you in the eye?
11. He does a pretty good job of hiding those trains.

Thoughts I Had at the Blood Diagnostics Office This Morning
1. Sweet. No copay here.
2. Heh. Phlebotomist.
3. That sign sure makes a big deal about not unscrewing the needle. Why do I want to try it?
4. Heh. Phlebotomist. It sounds like she's going to use a mixer on my brain.
5. Wow. Look at the blood just gushing out of there.
6. What? No juice? No crackers? Nothing? So that's how you roll, huh? Just hit it and quit it.

Thoughts I Had at the Radiologist's Office This Morning
1. I do love this no-copay action.
2. Do I smell cheese?
3. I hope I get to keep my pants on.
4. I wonder if they'll give me a copy of the x-rays. How sweet would that be?
5. No dice.
6. What's with all the questions, lady? You just take the pictures.
7. Radiation. Don't worry, it's cool.

8 Responses to “medication”

  1. # Anonymous bekah

    I really don't get the turn-your-head-and-cough thing. I mean, I know it's got to serve some purpose, and since I'm neither a doctor nor a person with testicles, I haven't actually experienced it, but what ARE they feeling for?  

  2. # Anonymous omg

    Maybe you have to turn your head so you don't cough in the doc's face, like you want to. I mean, I don't know if you actually want to, because I also lack the testicles, but I imagine that coughing on someone is the safer choice compared to making sudden striking movements when some semi-random dude has got a hold of you and yours. My question is... why do you have to cough at all?

    Anyway... 8,9, and 10 are darn funny.  

  3. # Anonymous james

    why are you at so many's doctor's offices?  

  4. # Anonymous r.fuel

    Jim- I've had this cough for the last two months that I just can't shake. Sometimes I cough so hard that I start seeing stars and almost black out. Sometimes I wake up in the night and feel like I haven't been breathing for the last minute or seventeen. It seemed like it was going away, but last week it started getting worse. I thought a visit to a medical professional might be in order.  

  5. # Anonymous bekah

    You didn't answer my question. Mark doesn't know the answer to my question, so that leaves me with no choice but to call a family practice's office and question the nurse or doctor on staff.  

  6. # Anonymous r.fuel

    bekah- I didn't answer your question because I don't really know what they're feeling for. They say they're checking for hernias, but as I've never had one, I don't know what they feel like.  

  7. # Anonymous bekah

    Balls get hernias?

    OMG Now I'm starting to learn something!  

  8. # Anonymous Doc

    Amazing the ignorance of the masses...

    They are feeling for the impulse of a hernia (a part of the abdominal contents, usually omentum or intestines, coming out through the inguinal ring into the inguinal canal). It has nothing to do with testicles, women also get inguinal hernias, just not a frequently as men. Women more commonly get ventral hernias (sticking out through the ridge of the 'six-pack') or femoral canal hernias (where the femoral nerve artery and vein come out of the pelvis into the thigh. The cough is to increase the pressure in the abdominal cavity to creat the bulging. Works for all those kinds of hernias. The turning of your head is so you don't cough your TB onto me.

    Hope that helps...  

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