assault

the sneaky salespeople of American Eagle

I was in American Eagle this weekend with my brothers. They were shopping. I was, as usual, practicing my ninja skills. And shopping.

Now, you think that the folks at American Eagle would reflect the character of the brand: laid-back, easygoing and covered in beach sand. You would be wrong. Except for the thing about the sand. It's uncanny.

Anyway, you would be wrong. It is now my opinion that the salespeople of American Eagle are given high doses of methamphetamine before their shifts. This may sound preposterous. But so does the thing about the beach sand, and that is most certainly true.

I was offered assistance probably 150 times in my first ten minutes inside the store. Seriously. Well, almost seriously. That is a slight exaggeration. It was probably more like 148 times.

These people would pop out of nowhere to ask me if I needed help finding something. Now, I'm all about helpful salespeople, but I felt like I was back in 'Nam. It was ridiculous.

It's like they were holding some kind of contest to see who could scare the largest amount of defecation of out some unsuspecting shopper. They would come up behind you and scream in your ear and jump out from the middle of the clothing racks. I saw one guy jump down from the ceiling while a girl checked out shoes.

Since I was practicing my ninja skills, several salespeople lost their lives when they shocked me into a murderous rage.

4 Responses to “assault”

  1. # Anonymous jake

    Absolutely freakin hilarious. Salespeople should know not to sneak up on you while you're practicing your ninja skills.

    But I'm sure by the time they see you, it's too late.  

  2. # Anonymous Bekah

    Do wear a ninja costume?  

  3. # Anonymous Bekah

    Dammit.

    That's "do YOU wear a ninja costume"?  

  4. # Anonymous r.fuel

    Contrary to popular belief, true ninjas don't wear black pajamas. They make use of carefully planned disguises to blend in with their surroundings. Technically, I am always wearing my ninja "costume".  

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