It is with deep feelings of sadness¹ and regret² that I inform you of the steady and discouraging decline of the Mexican Zebra³.

For years, the Mexican Zebra has delighted tourists from all over the world⁴. While they're not posing for delightful group shots for a mere five dollars a pop, the creatures pull elaborately painted carts through the streets of our friendly neighbor to the south.

But tourism is waning in the nation, and many zebras have found themselves out of work as demand wanes. Drug trade-related deaths are on the rise, and tourists are too scared to visit Mexico⁵.

It's time to stand up for animal rights. We must rally together to save these poor beasts. It's not too late for the Mexican Zebra. So hurry to Mexico today. The Mexican Zebra could be lost forever⁶.



¹ indifference
² apathy
³ hand-painted donkey
⁴ drunk college students from America
⁵ or maybe they're satisfied just watching the immigration rallies on CNN
⁶ or until the next time some guy tries to make a quick buck by painting a donkey