There's a lot of hubbub in the nation's capital right now over illegal immigration. Some want to round up all the illegals and ship them back to Mexico [or wherever]. Some want to grant them all citizenship. Most want a plan that's somewhere in between. In choosing to write about it, I will most likely be offensive. But as long as I'm on the road to offensive town, I might as well drive fast and recklessly.

Protests have been staged all over the nation. Thousands of students walked out of their classes yesterday in El Paso and marched to city hall and the border crossings. The illegal Mexicans are hoppin' mad. They want citizenship and the right to vote. If you ask me, they already have both. In Mexico. They are free at any time to go home and claim those rights. Until then, they can live without them.

All the protests I've seen on TV and in the paper involve a bunch of yelling Mexicans waving signs written in Spanish and large Mexican flags. If Mexico is so great, why are you living here? And by the way, you should learn English. Because this is America, and the Constitution was not written in Polish. English is the official language. None of the Chinese immigrants are pushing for translation services. Why can't you be more like them? Both your cultures like rice, right? There's your foundation for a beautiful cultural relationship. You're welcome.

A number of the protesters make the point that all Americans came from other countries, so we're all immigrants. There are two fatal flaws in that thinking:
1. Not everybody came from another country. I'm looking at you, Cherokee. You feel me.
2. Our forefathers were immigrants, but they did things a little differently. Specifically: legally. Sure, the process was different back then, but you're not even making an effort.

The biggest problem I have with this whole thing is that the protesters are demanding that the illegals be granted citizenship. It's ridiculous. Why should they be rewarded for breaking our laws? And why should they be made citizens when there are thousands of people who are following the rules and are still waiting for their citizenship? That's like handing out college degrees to high school dropouts in the parking lot at the Yale commencement ceremony. Or giving puppies to the kids who don't do their homework.

24 Responses to “reform”

  1. # Anonymous james

    Amen... Amen.  

  2. # Anonymous s. wells

    giving puppies to the kids who didn't do their homework...
    nicely said.  

  3. # Anonymous Chickie

    I totally agree with you. My Mom's an immigrant but she did all the hoop-jumping needed to become a citizen. Why should people be rewarded for being sneaky?  

  4. # Anonymous Doc

    Well put, in better words than I could have used.  

  5. # Anonymous bekah

    Well said. This is America. Don't come to America and try to turn it into the country you left. If that country was so wonderful - stay there.  

  6. # Anonymous mike

    There's a right way and a wrong way to get here. No one is stopping people from coming here. We're just asking that they go through the process. Where's the problem with that. Great post. How can we get this kind of clarity to Washington?  

  7. # Anonymous A passing reader

    I guess that's how you might feel from your five bedroom house. Where you sit by the pool and think about how to hate others rather than practicing compassion. I don't condone breaking the law, but I do think that America is making the "law" so stringent that it is almost impossible to immigrate from Mexico and have any real chance at being successful. I love how America sees the war in Iraq as a liberation movement. "Oh what?!? we didn't find weapons of mass destruction?!? Oh well, we are great freedom fighters who liberate the oppressed people of the world!" and "oh what?!? Mexicans want to come to America!?! Hell no, Mexicans are not worthy of living on American soil!" Ok, I think I see, so we are good enough to paint ourselves as liberators in other countries, but when it comes to our soil its all "get back to your own stinkin country!" Where have American ideals and values gone? I would love to see a little more thought put into these positions, rather than just assuming that everyone has been given the same opportunities that you have, and thus should abide by the law as their families starve and die in a corrupt Mexico.  

  8. # Anonymous r.fuel

    Five bedroom house with a pool? You must be mistaking me for someone who actually makes money. I wish.

    But you're right about the hating others thing. Thinking up ways to hate others is kind of like a hobby for me. It's a good thing I don't have a job, wife, daughter, friends or other hobbies to get in the way, or I might not have enough time. Because I'm rather inefficient at it. It sometimes takes me weeks to find new ways to hate people. Maybe you can drop by sometime and give some hints on how to find new ways to hate people faster. You seem to be a pro.

    And, actually, it's not impossible to immigrate from Mexico. People do it all the time. It's just not as easy as swimming across the Rio Grande. And you know, if you don't want to actually become a citizen, you can still live here legally. It's just some paperwork and some patience.

    What does Iraq have to do with immigration? If you're going to come to my blog to bash me, at least stay on topic. Trying to connect the liberation of Iraqis from a murderous, genocidal maniac to opening our border for a mass Mexican migration is sketchy at best. Vicente Fox isn't killing the descendants of the Mayans with mustard gas and dumping their bodies into mass graves. [By the way, WMDs were found in Iraq. It's just that none of the US media reported it. Somebody from South Africa did.]

    If you had read the post you might have noticed that I never said that we should round up all the illegals and send them packing. I'm fine with the illegals staying here and providing cheap labor for our economy. Seriously. They can stay. They can make a little money [still more than they'd be making in Mexico] and send it home to their families. But they shouldn't be given citizenship or the right to vote.

    Thanks for stopping by and lambasting me from an anonymous position. Let me know when you're free for those hate lessons.  

  9. # Anonymous Fuzzball

    This post reminds me of why you're a blog crush, robert. Kudos to you!!  

  10. # Anonymous r.fuel

    Thanks. I think.  

  11. # Anonymous james

    Hey Robert,
    Don't forget that you live in a border town that sees more immigration traffic than anywhere in the U.S., so I think, I mean, I might be wrong, but I think you know what you're talking about.  

  12. # Anonymous kcarl

    Couldn't agree more robert. The thing that gets me most is that for all their supposed desire to become AMERICANS, they sure still seem to love Mexico quite a bit!

    Or maybe they have no desire to become Americans; maybe they simply want to take advantage of the attitude many prominent American spotlight-hogs have: we need more "compassion" and less "hate" (ironically, these are most likely the same people itching to remove any and all historically Christian values from our government and schools).

    The mistake made, I think, is assuming illegal immagrants are just poor innocents dreaming of a better life and tired masses yearning to breathe free air... what I'd like those who believe that to do is pause for a second and consider this scenario:

    When you buy something that breaks or malfunctions, and you tossed the receipt out with last nights pizza box, which store do you desperately wish you had bought it at? a well run department store with stringent return policies and strict librarian-esque customer service representatives? or a manic, insane Wal-Mart, where, if you can survive stepping inside the doors to Hades, you can simply bring in anything, in any condition, and get your money back? Come on, the answer is obvious.

    Mexicans aren't stupid! They know if they posture and pose right, the Wal-Martization of America will continue, and they can continue streaming over the borders unchecked and with impugnity. They want nothing more than for everyone to believe the fallacy and stupidity espoused by "passing readers."

    Thank you for bringing some clarity to the issue Robert, it's desperately needed!  

  13. # Anonymous r.fuel

    Wow, kcarl. That Walmart analogy is awesome. Thanks.  

  14. # Anonymous kcarl

    I actually thought of something else while brushing my teeth a few minutes ago sadly, it has nothing to do with clean teeth or minty breath). This is something every kid learns very quickly when the teacher makes them play those stupid "everyone's a winner!" games at school: When everyone's a winner, No One's a winner.

    There's nothing special or unique about being a citizen of the finest country the world has ever seen if anyone can become one by simply crossing a shallow, muddy river.

    What people need to realize is there's nothing immoral or cruel about setting high standards. It's what'll keep this country worth coming to, AND worth waiting in line for.  

  15. # Anonymous Fuzzball

    Thanks. I think.

    I just meant that I agree with you and I was glad that you were stating something that I also felt, but saying it in a much clearer way than I ever could. Sorry if it came out weird. Sorry if this came out weird.  

  16. # Anonymous r.fuel

    kcral - You're absolutely right. Thanks for not letting that thought go down the drain with your spent toothpaste and vanquished plaque. A very, very good point. And one I wholeheartedly agree with.

    Fuzzball - I was just kidding around. Thanks. For real.  

  17. # Anonymous james

    Hey Rob,

    I just wanted to share this with you. In my class this morning, one of the blackboards says: "Walkout 4 Immigrants April 10th, 11:11 @ MLK Statue." My first instinct was to grab some chalk and insert "Illegal" before "immigrants" and see what happens. Next, I wondered if they were meeting at the MLK statue to rally behind the man that gained rights for black men and women everywhere, hmmm... oh well.  

  18. # Anonymous teddy

    In the first place we should insist that the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equity with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace or origin. But this is predicated upon the man's becoming an American and nothing but an American. There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag, and this excludes the red flag which symbolizes all wars against liberty and civilization, just as much as it excludes any flag of a nation to which we are hostile. We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.  

  19. # Anonymous Jesus

    Love your neighbor as yourself  

  20. # Anonymous r.fuel

    To the commenter posing as Christ:
    Even Jesus enforces exclusivity.

    Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
    John 14:6 (New International Version)  

  21. # Anonymous Jesus

    No no no... "G-sus," it's "Hey-sous." :)

    I'm just saying loving your neighbor might be a good place to start. Also, I don't really see the connection between Jesus Christ's unique role in salvation and denying illegal immigrants the opportunity to apply for citizenship. (None of the major proposals in Congress suggest providing instant, universal citizenship to illegals. The most popular proposal actually requires a $1000 fine for crossing illegally before they can apply for citizenship).

    Furthermore, your quote is more a commentary on the exclusiveness of Christ vs. other so-called paths to God. If you want to see Christ's heart for people, perhaps you should consider 1 Tim. 1: 3-6:

    "This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants ALL men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. For there is ONE God and ONE mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave Himself as a ransom for ALL men-the testimony given at the proper time." (CAPS mine)

    You can see that this verse CLEARLY emphasizes the exclusivity of Christ with His desire to save all people.

    "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from EVERY tribe and language and people and nation." Rev. 5:9 (CAPS mine)  

  22. # Anonymous r.fuel

    Oooooh. Hey-sous. You should have cleared that up with a Gomez or something in there.

    Well, I must say I'm a little relieved that it's not my Savior here to publicly berate me. Although I'm quite sure that I deserve it.

    A couple things:

    I never said that I hate Mexicans. I love them. I just think that you can love your neighbor without giving him a key to your house.

    I never said that any of the proposals in Congress would grant illegels immediate citizenship. I said that the protestors are clamoring for it. And that is true.

    I also said in the post that I have no problem with illegals staying and working in the United States. I just think they should have to wait in the back of the immigration line to be granted the full rights of citizenship.

    As far as my quote being a little off target based on its original context, I think yours was, too. So we're even.

    And when did the United States become so great that we could equate citizenship or residential status with the eternal salvation of our souls? I can't say I'm on board with that.

    Lastly, while I understand that the content may lack any sort of humours aspect, my writings here are an attempt at comedy. What serious article would attempt to link the Mexican and Chinese immigrants based on a shared diet of rice? I'm glad you're still smiling, Hey-sous, 'cause that's the point. I mean, the current masthead is a hand-painted donkey.

    Thank you for your input.  

  23. # Anonymous Jesus

    Thank you for your response. It is obvious that you are an intelligent person and have put a lot of thought into your opinions. I have enjoyed the dialogue. This is certainly a tricky issue and it is difficult to see every angle, but the more we discuss it, perhaps the better the solution we can create. I think EVERYONE understands that the system is broken as it currently stands.  

  24. # Anonymous r.fuel

    No, thank you for your response. I have put a lot of thought into my opinions, but studies show that I am definitely not intelligent. Is that sarcasm, Hey-sous? Working on a little humor column of your own?

    You're right. It's a very tricky issue. I know people who were granted amnesty during immigration reform under the Reagan administration. But those that I know are proud to be Americans. They're not still flying the Mexican flag here in the US of A.

    I'm not sure that the system is completely broken, but it's misfiring. That could be a spark plug or a valve seal or a bad cylinder head. I don't think that buying a new car, as the protestors would have us do, is the right solution.

    [You replied to my comments while I was revising them, so I had to move them around a little bit. I am truly sorry if that steps on your toes.]  

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