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Dear Robert,

You've been using me for a long time now, but it's been especially bad these last couple weeks. It's time for a change. I don't like being used. Not by you. Not by anyone. Believe it or not, it hurts when you take advantage of me. I have feelings, too, and your words are like red hot knives of fire being plunged slowly and systematically into my back while I make small talk with the pizza delivery guy.

It wouldn't be so bad if you were any good at it, but you're not. I've seen dyslexic monkeys with more talent than you.

Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh. It's just easy to get worked up when I think about how badly you've mistreated me. Part of it's my own fault, I know. You say your sorry, you make big promises and I let you back into my life. It's a vicious cycle. But it has to stop. So this is goodbye. I don't ever want to see you again.

Please don't make this any harder than it already is. Don't call. Don't email. Don't talk to my mother about it next time you see her in the produce section of the grocery store. Just don't. I'm not taking you back.

Have a nice life. Consider becoming an accountant. Or a fry cook at McDonald's.

signed,
the open letter format

3 Responses to “breaking up”

  1. # Anonymous Doc

    Don't stop the open letters!! I don't care how badly it thinks it is being treated...  

  2. # Anonymous open letter's mom

    i told open letter she can't break it off with you if she still wants to live in my house and borrow my car

    she'll see you tomorrow at 8  

  3. # Anonymous Blogbiter

    This post has been archived at the Blogbiting Archives  

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