[Open on a dimly lit cubicle. Some slight movement is barely visible. Without warning, the lights come on. Everything freezes. ROBERT enters. PHONE holds KEYBOARD over the edge of the desk by his cord. GI JOE holds an enormous bottle of cognac to his lips. SUBWOOFER has stopped in mid-dance step with the SPEAKERS. BALL continues to scamper away from a herd of THUMBTACKS. Pause.]

Robert: What’s going on here?
[Silence. KEYBOARD falls to the ground and whimpers.]
Robert: Somebody explain this. Now.
Thumbtacks: [in unison] It’s Saturday.
Robert: So?
Phone: You’re not supposed to be here on Saturday.
Robert: Just ‘cause I’m not here doesn’t mean you can do anything you want.
GI Joe: Saturday is Me-Day! [hiccups]
Speakers: Yeah, this is our only time to relax!
Phone: We just need to let loose every once in a while, you know?
Robert: By throwing the keyboard off the desk?
Phone: Sometimes.
[KEYBOARD whimpers. GI JOE passes out.]
Robert: Look, you guys. I understand that you might be feeling the need for some time off. Especially after the last couple of weeks. But you can’t go drinking my booze and abusing each other. This can’t happen again.
Subwoofer: No problem, Chief.
Robert: That doesn’t mean you can do it as long as I don’t find out about it.
Subwoofer: Craphole.
Robert: What happened to the Sharpies?
Ball: You don’t want to know. And you also don’t want to hold them in your mouth anymore while you’re typing.
Robert: Oh, come on!
GI Joe: No! The plastic!
Robert: Is he-
Phone: Post-traumatic stress.
Robert: Oh. Well. Get yourselves cleaned up. I’ll be back in twenty minutes, and I’ve got work to do.
[Grumbling.]
Robert: Don’t make me replace you all. I’ll do it.
[The office supplies begin cleaning up and returning to their places. The herd of THUMBTACKS carry GI Joe back to the bookshelf. ROBERT walks out.]
Keyboard: Please don’t leave me here with them. You don’t know what it’s like when you’re gone…

[BALL bounces off the bookshelf, falling towards KEYBOARD. Curtain.]