more thoughts I had during the rest of my time in Vegas

1. (checking on the hotel gym) Twenty dollars a day? I’ll take the free obesity, please.

2. (walking to the Wynn) Wow. It looked so close.

3. (watching a craps game) Huh. So you put your chips on the table and you roll the dice and you walk away five minutes later with no more chips. Fun.

4. (walking down the Strip) This city needs a janitor. Or seventeen thousand.

5. (walking past the Flamingo) Wayne Newton is like, the king of Vegas.

6. (in Madame Tussaud’s) (I actually didn’t think much in here. I was too creeped out.)

7. (after watching an instructional craps game) Huh. So you put your chips on the table and you roll the dice and you walk away five minutes later with no more chips. Fun.

8. (walking through a smoke-filled casino floor) This must be what emphysema feels like.

9. (while driving a Hummer H2 at GM’s The Drive) This thing must get like, 4 gallons to the mile. I wonder how much I could get for my spleen on the black market.

10. (while driving a Hummer H2 at GM’s The Drive) I could totally run over a hippy with this thing and not even feel it.

11. (after driving a Corvette at GM’s The Drive) This must be something like what an opium addiction feels like.

12. (after losing all my gambling money at a craps game) Huh. So you put your chips on the table and you roll the dice and you walk away five minutes later with no more chips. Fun.

13. (walking past Circus Circus) I should theme my life. Way more fun.

14. (stepping onto the plane to go home) Finally, some fresh air.