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It’s happened. The US has been booted1 from the World Cup2. The hopes of a nation3 have been dashed on the lush lawns of the German soccer fields. Ghana’s Black Stars4 leveraged the Americans’ mistakes against them, winning the match 2-1. It’s rumored that England’s Wayne Rooney plans to bathe in the losers’ blood.

With the loss and the diminished World Cup fervor that is sure to result from it, I'm now free to admit something: I’m really not that into soccer5. Watching a soccer game has always been sort of like the whole rollercoaster experience. 88 minutes of boredom and a minute and a half of excitement6. You can catch all the good stuff in the highlights7. The rest of the game is a little like a first date. You aren’t very clear on the rules and you have no idea who’s winning8.

1 Get it?
2 You know… that big soccer thing.
3 Or like, one fourth of a nation. Maybe less.
4 Yeah, I thought it was kind of ironic, too.
5 Easy, soccer fans. No need to riot. Simmer down.
6 If you’re into that sort of thing.
7 I do love me some soccer highlights on the SportsCenter.
8 fyi: it’s the girl.

4 Responses to “defeat”

  1. # Anonymous bekah

    I didn't know the US had a soccer team in the World Cup. We play soccer here?  

  2. # Anonymous r.fuel

    I was as surprised as you are.  

  3. # Anonymous Charlie

    Apparently, from what I hear, the Football* World Cup is watched by more people** around the world than the Olympics.

    *Only in North America is football used as a term for American Football - hey I am after all officially British now ;-)
    ** Something I heard - can't prove it at this minute. Who cares...I hate football/soccer anyway! Rob...your humour is brilliant!  

  4. # Anonymous r.fuel

    Thanks, Charlie!  

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