part one | part two

How to Write a Humor Blog

1. Begin by assuming a self-important air. This is essential. Without arrogance, you might accidentally realize that you are not funny. If you were funny, you wouldn’t be sitting in your darkened room at 2 am writing posts for your “friends” on the “internet”. You’d be making people laugh in nightclubs or enjoying the wealth associated with a syndicated sitcom.

2. Choose a blogging method. Some people pay for domain name registration, site hosting and blogging software. Others use one of many free services. Decide what’s right for you. Keep in mind that few readers will follow your blog if you’re constantly switching from domain to domain. Pick something you can live with for a while. As a humorist, you’ll probably want to choose a service that’s easily customizable and offers the ability to monitor your site traffic. You want to make sure you know when someone links to one of your unfunny posts.

3. Develop a series of inside jokes. Inside jokes are great for alienating new readers, ensuring that they will never return to your site after their initial visit because they won’t understand anything that’s going on. Become familiar with a graphic design program that you can use to create custom mastheads perpetuating your humorless, incoherent inside jokes.

4. Practice exaggerating even the smallest details. Clerk accidentally forgot to scan your coupon? Tell your readers that she punched you in the face. Mailman dropped the letter from your mail order Russian bride in a puddle? Tell your readers that he punched you in the face. Dog peed on your lawn? Tell everyone that you punched it in the face and peed on it to get even.

5. When your friends come over, show them your blog. Breathe down their necks while they read it. Wait for the laughter. If When it doesn’t come, cry.

6. Offend everyone you know. Begin with family members, as they are the easiest targets. As you hone your skills, move on to members of the opposite sex, foreigners, racial groups and everyone else. When you feel you’re ready, offend other bloggers, the only people kind enough to read your so-called “humor”. They think this is hilarious.

4 Responses to “how to blog, pt.3”

  1. # Anonymous Doc

    Once again, amazing! Three long blogs on exactly the same topic! You ae a god amongst bloggers..  

  2. # Anonymous Doc

    By the way, when do T-shirts go on sale?  

  3. # Anonymous Jake

    Every. Word. True.  

  4. # Anonymous bekah

    create custom mastheads perpetuating your humorless, incoherent inside jokes

    Okay, Mr. Save-the-Mexican-Zebra.


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