Town to immigrants: you can't kill women

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Immigrants wishing to live in the small Canadian town of Herouxville, Quebec, must not stone women to death in public, burn them alive or throw acid on them, according to an extraordinary set of rules released by the local council.

They can, however, stone them into a coma. You know, to teach them a lesson. Or for exercise. Whatever. Just no killing.

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Cookie-chipped tooth ruled work-related

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - A salesman who chipped a tooth on a cookie while visiting a customer is entitled to compensation for his dental work after a court ruled it a work-related injury.

"I'm very happy," Montell, 50, said Wednesday. "Everyone who is out on a job can have a snack knowing that they are covered by occupational safety laws."


More evidence that the Swedes really have their priorities in order.

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Herpes outbreak triggers wrestling ban in Minnesota

CHICAGO (Reuters) - An outbreak of a contagious rash called herpes gladiatorum among Minnesota high school wrestlers led the state to suspend matches and halt contact practices, authorities said on Wednesday.

This one's funny all on its own.

The eight-day suspension affecting 7,500 wrestlers on 262 teams was the first time a U.S. state's entire high school program in a sport has been shut down, authorities said.

7,500 wrestlers. Wow. They sure get around. If you know what I mean.

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Funeral home uses dead critters to cheer guests

Yes.

MADISON, Wis., Jan 31 (Reuters Life!) - A stuffed squirrel clutching a fishing rod. A dead badger hefting a football for a winning pass. Other ex-rodents enjoying a carousel ride.

Sounds like our family Christmas.

"This is to show kids when they come for a funeral and they cry," said Sanfillippo, 86, the semi-retired director of the Cress Funeral Home in Wisconsin's capital city, Madison.

The sheer terror puts a quick stop to the whining.

In one room here stuffed squirrels drink and carouse in a warmly-lit saloon, while over at "The Woodland Fair," families of dead animals enjoy fair rides and three squirrels dance on stage in grass skirts in the "Topless Girlie Show."

How perfect for children.

3 Responses to “news nuggets”

  1. # Anonymous immigrantanonymous

    Aren't those Herouxvillians worried about making immigrants feel unwelcome?  

  2. # Anonymous omg

    Is there supposed to be some sort of happy connection between the stuffed dead animals and the dead human relatives? Like... is this supposed to make the kids feel better? "See? It could be worse. We could have stuffed Grampa and stuck him in a humiliating grass skirt for all eternity, but instead he's in a nice repectable box."  

  3. # Blogger s. wells

    oh loads of laughs, thank you very much.  

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