Mr. Mark Smithson
125 Blantamsham Lane
Omaha, Nebraska, 47568

Dear Mark,

Thank you for your recent submission to Random House, Inc. While it is true that our Children's Publishing offices have been at work on a series of "life and times" themes, we regret to inform you that your work is not in line with the division's standards and has been rejected.

The basic premise of your short story, as you state in your cover letter, aligns itself nicely with the goal of the series: educating children in regards to the everyday objects which surround us. However, our goal is to present material that is at once both informational and age appropriate. Your story, The Life and Times of Timmy the Toilet Paper Roll, is unquestionably inappropriate for children. In addition, the sketches you sent are far too graphic for any work outside the adult entertainment industry (on that topic: attached you will find a bill for carpet cleaning which I expect you to pay, as the review of your drawings made my intern vomit twice).

If possible, consider another subject for your story. Your personalization of the roll of toilet paper was excellent. Some of the best I've seen in a children's novel. The rather moving vignette on page three regarding Timmy's departure from the factory and his "parents" was especially moving. That said, cursing is never acceptable within children's literature.

If you're stuck on the toilet paper idea, consider contacting the folks over at Penguin. It's my understanding that they're attempting to pull together a competing series for their children's line, and I'm sure that your work is right up their alley (which, incidentally, I found to be an excellent turn of phrase for your subject matter and the usage of which I commend you for).

Sincerely,

Donovan James
Random House, Inc.

Enclosures: One bill (carpet cleaning) for the amount of $267.38