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weather

[The curtain rises on a dark stage. Light filters from above, landing gently on two folded sweaters lying folded on top of one another. Sound effects: a door closes; a car starts and drives away.]

Charcoal: Will you get off me?
Navy: [shuffling back and standing up] Fine. It’s not like I enjoy it.
Charcoal: [rising, brushing himself off] Whatever.
[They stand side-by-side for a moment, stretching, turning, shuffling.]
Charcoal: Do you really have to stand so close?
Navy: There’s no room for me to go anywhere else.
Charcoal: Argh. This sucks.
Navy: What’s the big deal?
Charcoal: The big deal? We’ve been in this stupid bin for eleven months. I’m cramped! I need some air! I’m choking on your stench!
Navy: [smelling himself] I smell bad?
Charcoal: [sighs] Not terrible. Just kinda stale.
Navy: [sniffing intensely] I can’t smell anything.
Charcoal: It’s kind of musky. Or mossy. It’s hard to describe.
Navy: [still sniffing] Right here? Or on one of my sleeves?
Charcoal: [angry] Just forget it! That’s not what I’m talking about.
Navy: [hurt] Okay.
Charcoal: It’s just frustrating being in here for so long. We’re sweaters! It’s December! We’re not supposed to be sitting in this stupid bin!
[pause]
Charcoal: You’re not upset?
Navy: [smelling himself again] Um… What?
Charcoal: It’s the middle of winter and we still haven’t seen daylight!
Navy: It’s been unseasonably warm.
Charcoal: Unseasonably warm? Unseasonably warm means we get worn and the jacket stays at home! This is ridiculous! Robert’s out there driving around in short sleeves with the windows down.
Navy: How do you know that?
Charcoal: The underwear filled me in.
Navy: When did you talk to the underwear?
Charcoal: You were sleeping.
Navy: I want to talk to the underwear.
Charcoal: No, you don’t.
Navy: Yes I do. It’s nice to see somebody else every once in a while.
Charcoal: So I’m not good enough for you, is that it?
Navy: That’s not what I meant.
Charcoal: Sure. Yeah.
Navy: Come on. Like you said, we’ve been in here for eleven months. That’s a long time and-
[Sound effects: footsteps]
Charcoal: Shh! Someone’s coming!
[They resume their folded positions on the floor. A long pause. The footsteps have stopped.]
Charcoal: [whispering] I just wish it would get cold so we could get out of this thing.
Navy: [sniffs loudly] So… Is it like food smell or something different?
[Curtain.]

5 Responses to “weather”

  1. # Blogger Joe Fuel

    I agree. I want a cold Christmas. Right now the forecast calls for a high of 66 degrees. Crappy.  

  2. # Anonymous anne arkham

    I envy you. It's like seven degrees here. Seven degrees Kelvin.  

  3. # Blogger Chickie

    Who knew I could laugh so loudly at talking sweaters?  

  4. # Anonymous whoknewanonymous

    Oh, its two sweaters. Whewww! For a minute there I thought is was an argyle talking to itself.  

  5. # Blogger Alex

    It's winter over there? I'm never going to get used to that. Here, we, die of heat. Some people literally. Usually old people, though. They need air con.  

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