Dear Chocolate Birthday Cake,
I’m sorry I’m not eating you right now. I know it’s your purpose in life to fill bellies, but I’m jut not sure I can handle it right now. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. I’d only disappoint you. Believe me, this is better for both of us. Plus, I had some really bad Chinese food for lunch yesterday. I think some pretty shady characters are still hanging around, and you don’t want to deal with that. The Chinese can get pretty mean when they’re angry. And half-digested.
I’m not a bad person. Really. I’m just busy. I don’t have time right now to stand around and sing and talk to people. I’ve got a project due Friday that I haven’t even started yet. Every time I try to make some headway on it, somebody runs into the cube with a rush request or some urgent proofing. Please accept my apologies for not taking part in the celebration. This is a big day for you, and I wish you the best. I trust that my coworkers will treat you right. Say hi to the forks for me. Maybe we can get together when you’re leftovers and we’re both a little more desperate.
robert
p.s. You’re looking great. Absolutely scrumptious.
I’m sorry I’m not eating you right now. I know it’s your purpose in life to fill bellies, but I’m jut not sure I can handle it right now. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. I’d only disappoint you. Believe me, this is better for both of us. Plus, I had some really bad Chinese food for lunch yesterday. I think some pretty shady characters are still hanging around, and you don’t want to deal with that. The Chinese can get pretty mean when they’re angry. And half-digested.
I’m not a bad person. Really. I’m just busy. I don’t have time right now to stand around and sing and talk to people. I’ve got a project due Friday that I haven’t even started yet. Every time I try to make some headway on it, somebody runs into the cube with a rush request or some urgent proofing. Please accept my apologies for not taking part in the celebration. This is a big day for you, and I wish you the best. I trust that my coworkers will treat you right. Say hi to the forks for me. Maybe we can get together when you’re leftovers and we’re both a little more desperate.
robert
p.s. You’re looking great. Absolutely scrumptious.
There's nothing sadder than a chocolate birthday cake that needs love.
I never thought I'd see the day. You need a doctor, badly. Maybe all that Nyquil finally caught up with you.
i love this open letter technique - and i've seen it before on your page. do you do this often? i might have to borrow this concept once or twice for my blog. i like the puns, too. :-)
good to have you back on and posting regularly since t-giving.
~katey
http://www.livejournal.com/users/kateyschultz
I enjoy open letters, too, and yes, I use them pretty often. They're not an original medium, though. I got the idea while reading McSweeney's.
And thanks.