open letter

Dear Chocolate Birthday Cake,

I’m sorry I’m not eating you right now. I know it’s your purpose in life to fill bellies, but I’m jut not sure I can handle it right now. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. I’d only disappoint you. Believe me, this is better for both of us. Plus, I had some really bad Chinese food for lunch yesterday. I think some pretty shady characters are still hanging around, and you don’t want to deal with that. The Chinese can get pretty mean when they’re angry. And half-digested.

I’m not a bad person. Really. I’m just busy. I don’t have time right now to stand around and sing and talk to people. I’ve got a project due Friday that I haven’t even started yet. Every time I try to make some headway on it, somebody runs into the cube with a rush request or some urgent proofing. Please accept my apologies for not taking part in the celebration. This is a big day for you, and I wish you the best. I trust that my coworkers will treat you right. Say hi to the forks for me. Maybe we can get together when you’re leftovers and we’re both a little more desperate.


p.s. You’re looking great. Absolutely scrumptious.

6 Responses to “open letter”

  1. # Anonymous anne arkham

    There's nothing sadder than a chocolate birthday cake that needs love.  

  2. # Anonymous chocoholicanonymous

    I never thought I'd see the day. You need a doctor, badly. Maybe all that Nyquil finally caught up with you.  

  3. # Blogger aimee

    i would never hurt a chocolate cake's feelings like that  

  4. # Blogger aimee

    will you bring some home for me? i'm feeling sorry for it  

  5. # Blogger Katey Schultz

    i love this open letter technique - and i've seen it before on your page. do you do this often? i might have to borrow this concept once or twice for my blog. i like the puns, too. :-)
    good to have you back on and posting regularly since t-giving.

  6. # Blogger r.fuel

    I enjoy open letters, too, and yes, I use them pretty often. They're not an original medium, though. I got the idea while reading McSweeney's.

    And thanks.  

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