In the Yuma Cracker Barrel on the way to San Diego, I noticed the fine salad selection on the menu. This is a menu item I have grown to expect in such restaurants as Chili’s, Applebee’s, and/or T.G.I. Fridays. The purpose of these restaurants is to serve a wide variety of food for a wide variety of tastes so that a family can dine out and everyone can enjoy the food for which they are in the mood. So whose idea was it to put salads on the menu at Cracker Barrel, the nationwide down-home, mama’s-kitchen-style cookin’? From what I understand, the purpose of Cracker Barrel is to infuse the customers with the feeling that they’ve just stepped into the kitchen of a home in the deep South, and that they’re about to eat some of the finest vittles this side of the Mississippi. And who walks into the kitchen of Southern home expecting to hear the words, “For supper this evenin’, we’ve got some delectable Spinach salad garnished with Roma tomatoes, Vidalia onions, tender grilled chicken, and a tart and intriguing vinaigrette dressing”?

No one. That’s who.

So how did gourmet salads end up on the tables of Cracker Barrels across the nation? Board meeting:

President: Well, I think that just about wraps it up. We’ve got all kinds of traditionally home-cooked meals on this menu. Can anyone think of anything we’ve left out?
Corporate YesMen: (in unison) No, it looks good to us. Great work, boss.
Forward-Thinker: You know, maybe there are people who will end up in one of our restaurants who don’t want something heavy and high in carbohydrates.
(stunned silence)
President: Go on.
Forward Thinker: Well, I was just thinking that sometimes, people end up in a restaurant they don’t really want to go to just because all their family members do want to go there.
President: So, what do you suggest we do?
(And in this moment, as Forward Thinker's career hangs in the balance, an idea of earth-shattering proportions slaps him across the face.)
Forward Thinker: Salads. We do salads.
Chorus: Oooooh.
Guy in Corner: Interesting.
Woman with Glasses: Tell me more.
Forward Thinker: Well, salads. What more can I say? They’re so hot right now.
Chorus: Yeah.
Guy in Corner: Like that Jessica Simpson.
(awkward silence)
President: Salads it is. (To Forward Thinker) A big raise for you. And a company car.

So there you have it. All because salads are “hot right now.”

Ugh. Hot salad.

3 Responses to “cracker salads”

  1. # Anonymous aimee

    delectible hot salads...


  2. # Anonymous aimee

    by the by, very funny  

  3. # Anonymous Anonymous

    sounds like someone has been getting a little experience with marketing meetings  

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