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Yes, it’s true. This weekend, Steve Irwin left for the final expedition . The safari in the sky. Took a trip to the big alligator farm way up north. If you know what I mean.

Yup. Steve’s dead.

When I first read the news, I thought it was a joke. Seriously. I thought for sure that Irwin was immortal. But I guess not. And once I’d come to grips with the fact that Steve’s death was a possibility, I guessed that he might have died while attempting his biggest stunt ever. Maybe the simultaneous capture of seventeen of the world’s largest crocodiles. Possibly a blindfolded face-off with twenty king cobras. Or standing between Star Jones and a plate of fried chicken.

Turns out that he was swimming. Alright, alright. Scuba diving. But still. The guy went mano-a-mano with ferocious alligators, venomous snakes, hungry lions and rabid wildebeests. All that just to be taken down by a stingray.

If you ask me, this is the stingray’s way of asserting its dominance in the food chain. Stingrays all over the globe are fed up with the stereotypes. With the death of the Crocodile Hunter, it’s clear that they’re no longer satisfied with the happy-go-lucky, sunshine-and-roses, cuddly-huggable image. They’re making their move for world domination. Those stingrays are some badass pancake-fish-hybrid-creatures. You better recognize. If one of them can single-handedly murder the guy who used to cuddle with nature’s only animal with no natural predators, we should be leaving wet spots on the sidewalk just thinking about them.

I, for one, welcome our new aquatic overlords. It’s no secret that the stingray is the most ferocious animal in the sea. Or land. Or both. Combined. The most ferocious animal on the planet. And handsome.

8 Responses to “crikey”

  1. # Anonymous bekah

    I'd rather be taken over by stingrays now so they can fight the robots in the Robot Revolution later on down the road. Seems like a win-win situation.  

  2. # Anonymous r.fuel

    Robots vs. Stingrays. Advantage: stingrays. Technology and water don't mix.  

  3. # Anonymous s. wells

    you're so irreverent.

    thanks for the laugh.  

  4. # Anonymous r.fuel

    No, thank you.

    And don't you think that if Steve were still alive he would want us to be having fun in spite of his death? Or something?  

  5. # Anonymous bekah

    Unless the robots electrocute all the stringrays when they fall in the water. Then we'd have control of the planet again.  

  6. # Anonymous r.fuel

    (whispering so as not to be heard by the stingray overlords) Let's hope so, bekah. Let's hope so.  

  7. # Anonymous s. wells

    you know i like to give you a hard time on your photography, which i think is amazing. it's that whole twisted- i like your artistry but i'm going to make fun of your sense of artistry thing.  

  8. # Anonymous r.fuel

    Oh, yeah. I totally knew that. Totally. I was just joking around. Or something.  

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