« home | confusion » | planes » | headlines » | scent » | updates » | woah » | updates » | fiction » | open letter » | tag lines »

premiere

Tomorrow promises to be one of the biggest days in the history of cinema. The sunrise brings a release so monumental, so momentous, that the sands of time quiver with anticipation. Move over, Citizen Kane. The AFI is kicking the mud from its heels so it can give you the boot. This movie is bigger than Labor Day.

That’s right. It’s time for Snakes on a Plane. Are you ready? I’m not sure you can be. Not that a little issue like preparedness should stop you from doing anything... What did being prepared ever do for the Boy Scouts? Yeah. That's what I thought.

But once you partake in the genius that is Snakes on a Plane, you’re sure to clamor for a sequel. Jake’s got you covered. He’s even working the prequel action. But maybe you were hoping to keep the action to the air. Here are some titles. Just like the original, you can pretty much figure out the plot.

Wakes on a Plane. A memorial for the reptiles felled at the hands of Sam Jackson.
Cakes on a Plane. A cooking channel movie special.
Aches on a Plane. For the AARP crowd.
Fakes on a Plane. America’s Top Model. In the sky!
Lakes on a Plane. Bladder control gone terribly wrong.
Mistakes on a Plane. What if you went to the bar, got hammered and went home with an ugly stranger? Not a big deal, right? Morning comes and you just slip out a window. Not if you’re on a plane!
Rakes on a Plane. When irate illegal immigrant gardeners attack!

3 Responses to “premiere”

  1. # Anonymous Chickie

    Did you use broken links on purpose?  

  2. # Anonymous r.fuel

    I did. It's how all the cool kids are blogging these days. It's like a puzzle for your readers. Except that instead of assembling a large picture of a lake or a stream or a castle, they use the puzzle pieces to make tiny cardboard shivs that they break off in your lower back when you're not looking.

    They're fixed now.  

  3. # Anonymous tooscaredtowatchanonymous

    Steaks On A Plane -- live the nightmare as an jumbo jet of vegetarians on a 13-hour flight to visit the Dahli Lama discover that the only food in the galley is -- no! -- steaks!  

Post a Comment



words © 2006-2008
All rights reserved. Reproduction prohibited without proper consent.