They say that there’s no cure for the common cold. That’s a low-down dirty lie. There is a cure. It’s name is NyQuil.

I spent all day yesterday sitting at my desk writing radio spots, answering phone calls, sending and answering emails, and feeling generally like a used Kleenex floating in the mire of the Detroit sewer [which is, coincidentally, how I imagine Christian Bale’s kidneys might be feeling]. I was miserable.

I have trouble sleeping when I have a sore throat, a runny nose, a cough and enough mucous running down my windpipe to fill the South Pole-Aitken basin. So I took some NyQuil before I went to bed last night. And I feel spectacular¹. I’m running on all² cylinders. I’m back to 100³ percent.


¹ alright
² a few
³ 75


Okay, so I’m not completely better. But 75% is still passing. I’m sure that after another tablespoon⁴ of NyQuil I’ll wake up tomorrow⁵ feeling good as new⁶.

⁴ bottle
⁵ Friday
⁶ good