Steve's House

[The curtain opens on a living room set. Simple. Modern. From the door: knocking. 4G Color waddles on stage, across the living room, and opens the front door, where 5G stands with two suitcases. A pause.]

4G: [confused] May I help you?
5G: [handing his bags to 4G] That’d be great. Thanks.
4G: [looking at the bags] What am I supposed to do with those?
5G: Take them to my room, of course.
4G: Excuse me?
5G: [pulls out a Spanish/English dictionary and reads from it] Lleve mis maletas a mi dormitorio, por favor.
4G: I speak English.
5G: Oh. Well. Take my bags to my room then.
4G: Your room? What do you mean, your room?
5G: Steve didn’t tell you? [pause] Well, umm…[pause] This is awkward.
4G: Just what was Steve supposed to tell me?
5G: I’m moving in.
4G: But we don’t have a guest room.
5G: Exactly.
4G: You mean… I’m moving out?
5G: Precisely.
4G; You’re replacing me?
5G: Purportedly.
4G: You’ve got to be kidding me.
5G: No.
4G: That’s ridiculous!
5G: Is it, really?
4G: Yes! I work fine! Why would Steve want a new iPod?
5G: Because a better iPod is available.
4G: Better? You think you’re better than me?
5G: Indubitably. I have a click wheel.
4G: Mine’s bigger than yours.
5G: I have a color screen.
4G: Big deal. So do I. I can display photos and slideshows. How do you like that?
5G: [yawn] They’re alright. I prefer video.
4G: [sputtering] Video? You do video?
5G: Of course.
4G: But… But… You look fat.
5G: Not too fat. I’ll fit in your bed. And your toaster girlfriend seems to admire my physique.
4G: You didn’t.
5G: I did.
4G: Not Sunbeam. She told me she loved me.
5G: Yeah, well, Sunbeam told me a lot of things.

[A pause. 4G bursts into tears and runs crying out the front door. 5G walks with his bags up the stairs. Curtain.]

For some real information about the new iPod or the other announcements made today during Apple's "One More Thing" event, visit engadget, The Unofficial Apple Weblog, Mac Observer, or Daring Fireball.

9 Responses to “implications”

  1. # Anonymous annearkham

    You're totally objectifying toasters.  

  2. # Blogger Fuzzball

    This belongs on Broadway. I'd start shopping directors if I were you. *applause*  

  3. # Blogger Joe Fuel

    Rob - that was awesome. I do agree with Anne. But, seeing as how toaster ARE objects, keep on objectifying them. Just don't humanize them, they DEFINITELY won't appreciate that.  

  4. # Anonymous james

    I cry everytime they come out with a new one.... I want it so bad...  

  5. # Anonymous crynonymous

    I just cry  

  6. # Blogger anaglyph

    Call me old fashioned but I am completely underwhelmed by the video pod. I mean, for Pete's sake - is anyone going to watch something for any length of time on a screen the size of a matchbox? It's a clever technical trick for sure, but my prediction is that once the initial Gadget Envy dies down it's gonna bomb. Or at least just plateau out as everyone realises it's still best suited for music.

    I was all hyped up for the video pod because I thought Cringely had hit the nail on the head.

    Now, make that box Steve and I'll be at the front of the queue.  

  7. # Blogger r.fuel

    I think you're right, anaglyph. And I would bet that Jobs thinks you're right, too. That's why he kept emphasizing that the major function of the iPod is still music. And that's why the iPod video isn't a seperate line of iPod. And that's why the price hasn't gone up. It's not really a feature. It's a perk.  

  8. # Blogger anaglyph

    Point taken. As a perk on a 60g pod it's a blast I guess. I still think the retinal scan display is the bomb though. Imagine that on a plane - no more crap quality dinky back-of-the-seat display with every second pixel missing...  

  9. # Blogger r.fuel

    No argument there.  

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