Well, not all of them. Just a few. Specifically, the ones in The Store’s2 legal department.

They killed my script. The one that was supposed to run in Dallas, Atlanta and Los Angeles. The one that was supposed to look really good on my evaluation in four months. The one that was supposed to get me a raise. And fame. And an early retirement. And respect from copywriters worldwide.

Actually, just the placement in some pretty major markets. But still.

They killed the script because they say it objectified women. Personally, I think that is untrue3. But you decide for yourself.

The general idea:

Guy 1 walks into the apartment whistling.
Guy 2: You sound happy.
Guy 1: I am.
Guy 2: Why?
Guy 1: I think that the girl at The Store digs me.
Guy 2: Why do you think that?
Guy 1: She gave a special deal on the thing I was buying.
Guy 2: You’re dumb. They give everyone that deal.
ANNOUNCER jumps in and waxes poetic about how great The Store is.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but men and women exist on this planet. They are attracted to each other. That’s life. Objectification comes many, many steps4 down the road.



1 not you, Pop
2 name changed to protect the innocent5
3 an enormous load of horse feces
4 bikini posters and rap songs about "hos"
5 guilty6
6 shameless7
7 unscrupulous

7 Responses to “i hate lawyers1

  1. # Blogger Joe Fuel

    hmmm... I'm sorry.

    but, the title would imply that this may be a series...

    this could get interesting.  

  2. # Blogger r.fuel

    Right now, no series is planned. The superscript in the title is just for reference purposes.  

  3. # Blogger Eric

    The good thing is that its a rather flexible and entertaining script. A good idea that could be used elsewhere perhaps. And keep your chin up. The world will recognize your genius someday :P  

  4. # Blogger s. wells

    so. i don't know if i should have laughed or what. but i did, because you're a witty person, and fun to read.  

  5. # Anonymous aimee

    wow, i'm dizzy from all the superscripted superscript, but i liked it  

  6. # Anonymous Davy Jones

    That Script is amazing! You are hired!
    Please, take your rightful place of ruling the world with your surplus of wit, charm, and influential prowess!  

  7. # Anonymous wishIwasobjectifiedanonymous

    darn lawyers. That's a complaint? When I was your age, I was wishing someone, anyone, of the formerly-gentler gender would objectify me. never happened.

    Maybe you should get a second opinion from the lawyers who reviewed Paris Hilton's commercial for Carl's Jr.  

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