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The elevator gets pretty crowded in the mornings. Like, really crowded sometimes. This morning, I was standing in the rear of the elevator with my back to the wall. It filled quickly and a woman moved to make room and ended up right in front of me. She had reddish-brown, curly hair and she kept flicking her head back to get it out of her eyes. In other words, she kept flicking her hair in my face and eyes. It was slightly annoying, as you might imagine, but it smelled wonderful. I don’t know what hair product she uses, but whatever it is, all women should buy it. All the other shampoo companies should just stop trying to compete. For a brief moment, I thought about telling her that her hair smelled fantastic. That’s not creepy, is it?

Me: Excuse me, miss, but your hair smells sensational.
[The elevator crowd turns and stares.]
Miss: Um…
Me: I understand that’s a strange comment to make, but I thought you might like to know.
Miss: [mumbles uncomfortably]
Me: Oh, don’t get the wrong idea; I’m not trying to hit you on or anything like that. I’m married, see? [points to wedding ring] I just wanted you to know that whatever you’re using to wash your hair is the finest product ever.
[Awkward silence.]
Me: What are you people staring at?
[More silence.]
Me: Come on, it’s not that weird…
Me: Look, her hair is right in my face and it smells fantastic. Look, smell it!
[People try to avoid eye contact.]
Me: Come on, smell it! It smells delicious! You could eat it!
[Doors open. Chaos ensues as people fight to evacuate the elevator.]
Me: Smell it! Smell her hair!
[The doors close. Me rides to the ninth floor in silence.]

10 Responses to “inappropriate”

  1. # Anonymous Chickie

    That would be one way to get the elevator to yourself from now on. I recommend chewing on her hair if it is ever in your space again.  

  2. # Anonymous Dork

    "Me rides to ninth floor in silence." This is quite possibly the most humorous self-referential form that I have ever seen. That Me ever sees.  

  3. # Anonymous JoeFuel

    I'm going to have to disagree with Chickie on that one. But, yeah, it's probably a good thing you didn't open your mouth.  

  4. # Anonymous JoeFuel

    Not that, say, you couldn't deliver such a wonderful complement to someone .....

    Ah crap, I'm digging deeper into my own grave. I'm gonna go post stuff on my blog....  

  5. # Anonymous anne arkham

    You are so young. There used to be a shampoo called "Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific!" and the commercials featured women being complimented on their hair smell by total strangers.  

  6. # Anonymous r.fuel

    And obviously the shampoo [and commercials] really took off...  

  7. # Anonymous Jen

    I feel that compliments like, "You smell nice" and "Gee, you look thinner" are always welcome.

    Except when they come from creepy guys in the elevator. Not that you're a creepy guy, but the elevator certainly paints you in a poor light.

    (On a side note, did it smell like fruit? Like vanilla? Like what? Now I want to unlock this woman's secret to the greatest smelling hair ever.)  

  8. # Anonymous r.fuel

    Trying to describe the smell would be like trying to love a cat. It just can't be done.  

  9. # Anonymous PLD

    i'd buy it.  

  10. # Anonymous Katey Schultz

    no it's not creepy.
    did you ever see the saturday night live sketch with the elevator etiquette? hilarious!
    hey, if you have any blogger friends that you read regularly that are writers let me know via email, k? i'm interested in more good blogger reads and picking up a few more readers for my page.

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