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Listen, Oatmeal, it’s time we had a little talk. No, don’t interrupt me. It’s my time to talk now. Why? Because this is Toast you’re talking to. I care about you. I’m trying to help. Just hear me out, okay? Listen, man, things have got to change. The Breakfast Foods Coalition is talking about kicking you out of the organization. They- Well, yes. They can do that. No, there isn’t really a precedent, but it’s in the bylaws. I know, but look at yourself. You’re a sloppy mess. You’re slow, thick and absorb more liquid than a sponge. No, look, I am your friend. That’s why I’m here to help. You should hear the things the guys from the Coalition say about you… That’s not the point. Just straighten up, okay? Look at what Cereal did when they were thinking about kicking him out. Yeah, you didn’t hear about that? It was only a rumor, really, and nobody seriously thought that cereal could be kicked out, I mean, he’s the backbone. But anyway, there were rumors around that he was a little sloppy, too. Messy. Complicated with the spoon and the bowl and the milk and everything. Big show. So he went out and got this new guy: Cereal Bars. Big hit. Fancypants packaging. Astronaut, freeze-dried milk or some business. And Cereal stays in because he brought in the new guy. Oh come on, it’s not an entirely different situation. No, I’m not saying you should just copy him and find some Oatmeal Bar to step in. Besides, Oatmeal Bar is in. Part of that Cereal Bar guy’s deal. That’s part of why I’m here. You didn’t look so bad ‘til he showed up. Well, honestly, I don’t know what you should do about it. Just straighten up. Get it together. Maybe find a new rep. That Quaker guy is so self-righteous, with that weird collar thing and that smug smile. I’d like to take that stupid hat of his and set fire to his barn with it.

3 Responses to “intervention”

  1. # Anonymous anne arkham

    I gotta have my oatmeal. You'll never take my oatmeal away from me.  

  2. # Anonymous JoeFuel

    The Quaker guy is self-righteous and smug. But more importantly, he's creepy. Very creepy. Don't try to argue with me on that one, you'll lose.  

  3. # Anonymous Chickie

    The Quaker dude is all smug because he know that the strawberry flavored quick oatmeal stuff is the best! I think Toast is jealous of Oatmeal. All those crumbs everywhere, burns easily, gets cold quickly - Toast is having some Oatmeal envy.  

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