To the foreman of the construction crew next door,

Let me begin by thanking you for gently rousing me from my slumber this morning with the orchestral musings of the BH-23. I'm quite convinced there's nothing finer than the sweet symphonic sounds of such a fine tool at 5:30 in the morning.
I would also like to take this opportunity to commend you on the selection of such a fine group of construction-minded individuals, who were so committed to tearing the concrete patio asunder that they completely ignored my attempts to speak with them. They clearly saw through my facade, knowing that while I was trying to appear angry and upset, I was in fact more than happy to hear their melodies outside my window.
I don't mean to assume so much as to tell you how to do your job, but I will make just one small suggestion: why not begin the work even earlier? I am sure that nothing would be better for my slumbering daughter than the sounds of a jackhammer at 2:00 or 3:00 AM. I'm sure that her squawks this morning were a signal of her demand for a higher volume from the constructional chorus. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely yours,


p.s. Eat some poop.

4 Responses to “an open letter”

  1. # Anonymous aimee

    the post script sums up all the thoughts i had at 5:30 this morning when i was trying desperately to put the Bean back to sleep  

  2. # Blogger Joe Fuel

    I'll kill em for you...

    I'll kill em good.

    I just sharpened my knife tonight......  

  3. # Anonymous Anonymous

    going postal
    it's so natural
    i wanna
    toast'm all ♪  

  4. # Blogger s. wells


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