El Paso- A man was brutally slain while crossing the street at a downtown crosswalk this afternoon.
Although few details can be confirmed, it is widely believed that Robert Fuel was crossing the street during his lunch break when a 1988 Isuzu Trooper ignored the crosswalk sign at the intersection and accelerated into Fuel, rendering him paralyzed and/or unconscious.
State troopers believe that as many as sixty-three more cars and trucks plowed over Fuel as motorists continued to ignore the crosswalk and the man lying immobilized in the middle.
Tragedy struck when three emergency workers, who had stopped on the side of the road when they spotted the red smear, were also hit and killed in the crosswalk by a city bus while they were attempting to determine what had become of Fuel's lips.
In his own defense, the driver of the bus said, "It's not my fault. How am I supposed to read the sign if it's in Canadian? This is Texas, and those stick figures clearly weren't wearing cowboy hats or boots."
Eventually, police were able to put road blocks into place to stop traffic while the slain rescue workers were loaded into ambulances, and Fuel was shovelled into a sandwich bag by workers from the city's sanitation department.
City officials are stumped as to how a Canadian crosswalk sign might have been installed at the intersection, but vow to look into the matter as soon as possible within the next three to five years.

1 Responses to “Cooked liver peeled from street”

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