El Paso- A man's head exploded today in an eastside car dealership.
Witnesses report that Robert Fuel, of the westside, was waiting for the completion of routine service on his Volkswagen Jetta when his cranium cracked, and moments later, violently burst. Many attributed the incident to the piercing cries of a four year old nearby.
"That kid just wouldn't stop whining. 'I want this... I want that... Gimme some Cheetos...' It just never ended. And the mom wouldn't do a thing about it," said the dealership cashier, who asked to remain unnamed for customer relations purposes.
According to the accounts given to police and medical personnel by several witnesses, the child had been crying incessantly for over an hour, often interrupting his complaints with the exclamation, "I'm crying, Mama. I'm crying." Witnesses also report that the mother refused the grandmother's suggestions to either discipline the child or take it outside.
"This is rather unfortunate, of course, but I'm afraid that there's nothing we can do. It's very clearly stated in between lines on the back of the second page of the service agreement that the dealership cannot be held responsible for any damages incurred by any party choosing to utilize the facilities of our waiting room," said Service Manager Pete.
The explosion of Fuel's head reportedly silenced the child for approximately .5 seconds, after which he demanded to play with Fuel's eyeballs, which were rolling across the floor towards a tarnished Mercedes Benz. When his requests were refused, he resumed his whining cries.
The person most upset by the incident seemed to have been the dealership's sanitation engineer, who, when confronted with the mess, said, "Every time. Every frickin' time."