Unless you live under a rock on the moon, you know that the Olympics are taking place right now in Torino. Some of the events are great. Everyone has fun watching things like Freestyle Moguls, Freestyle Aerials, Ski Jumping, Super G, Snowboard Cross and Speed Skating. Anything that has potential for danger and injury is pretty much golden. Moguls give you the potential for dramatic knee explosions. Aerials and Ski Jumping, with their major air time, could mean frantic arm-waving followed by spectacular landings. Super G's got high-speed downhill rolls and challenging jumps. Snowboard Cross means jumps and unintentional contact that could produce some pretty intense pile-ups. Speed Skating may be the most exciting, what with the guys moving all fast on very slippery ice and with flesh-tearing blades on their feet.

Here are a couple ideas for making the boring events a touch more exciting:
1. Figure Skating: Half the time. Twice the jumps. Jeff Gillooly takes a baseball bat to anyone who falls. While they finish their program.
2. Ice Dancing: Everyone performs their rehearsed routines. At the same time. While lions roam the ice. [The lions' inability to traverse the ice effectively makes it fair.]
3. Nordic Skiing/Biathlon: Combine these two events. Throw out the targets. Tell each competitor that one of the others was checking out their husband/wife.
4. Curling: Make the stone a time bomb.
5. Skeleton/Luge/Bobsled: Wider track. Everybody races together. Weapons.